The fruits that come from struggles and perserverance

Just this past weekend the Kaleo's went over to Missions Fest it was a nice get away from the things going on here at Qwanoes and the life that is currently overwhelming me. It was long and exhausting days that were very insightful and inspiring. There was so many warriors fighting for the kingdom and fighting for social justice from around the world sharing their stories and speaking into our lives. Amazing it was. And as I sat there watching and listening to the words coming from the film "freedom fighter" I was taken aback by the truth that from struggles and perseverance in our lives there is fruit being produced for the kingdom. Which led to the realization and the reality that this year is hard and that is the beauty of it. If it was easy then where would the fruit be? There would be none. This hard stuff is good, this pain and suffering is good and now I can have peace that everything will be okay. The shadow proves the sunshine.

Today I found joy.

So sorry its been a while... I have no excuse. However the Kaleo's went to Mount Washington the past week after a very intensely stressful week of homework and fundraising. I still have a crazy amount of funds to raise and time is running out. I am so greatly blessed and thankful times a million for those who have already helped and support me. The homework situation is too deep and I can't even start to think of where to begin. I really want to get rid of this stress and anxiety. I want to be normal again. I want God to be my best friend again. I get it, this is character building but I am sure that all the people around me are tired of this crazy version of what should be me. I know I am not like this, at least I know I never used to be like this and I know that God does not want me to be this way. But with all this pressure what am I supposed to do. How am I supposed to deal? Well.. if anyone has any suggestions please feel free to throw them out here.

Mount Washington was amazing! It was very relaxing and I had an awesome bonding time with Sarah which was great because she has been someone I wish I had known since September but for some reason we are only getting to know each other now. I love it. I also realized how much I love snow boarding! We started giving out Kaleo names which I think is a cool idea I'm not sure if it is all that meaning full. The words that go along with the name are more important for sure which makes it better. Anyways my name is "Abundance" I don't really remember why something to do with child like faith and over flowing delight. I think its because I like to eat buns while dancing.

Today was a stressful but amazing day. I did my first ever soup and bun fundraiser at church which went over really well I thought. I was as usual, completely stressed out and hard to get along with which ended up in an emotional mess. However Steve and I managed to raise a good amount which gave me hope for reaching my goal. I now have $500 towards my India missions trip and have $2700 left to raise. I think this on top of school and life is too much for me to handle. Please be praying for my sanity. February 1st is the deadline. God is big I just need to remind myself of that and leave it up to Him to work his magic.

Lynnea, Steve and I all went to our church youth group for the first time which ended up to be an even bigger blessing than I had thought. I got to hang out with some youth I have been seeing and chatting with in Sunday school and build on those relationships and also run around and get some exercise playing doge ball (training for India). It was sweet. I realized that this type of ministry is my strong point and I got a strong sense that God would call me to helping in the youth group after Kaleo is done. This is what I have been waiting for all year. After youth was done I felt a huge weight off my shoulders, I can breathe again. Take a breath Mary everything will be alright. Many blessings and much love, Marizzle.

The day stress kicked the bucket.

This year is different. This is year is the beginning of something good. Every body is back from holidays and we started our second semester off with a week of theology in mission. I was amazed to see the transformation that took place in everyone over the holidays. The majority of Kaleo's came back with renewed spirits, and ready to take on this next semester. Although my break was very relaxing and much needed, it has only been a week and my stress level has rocketed back to where it was last semester. I received an email saying I was on academic probation and I knew that was coming because of all the classes I took last semester and failed. I am okay with that. I know that there is so much more than just academic learning here at Kaleo and yes it would be nice to pass even a course or two but whenever I get stressed about school I turn to God and say, "Do what you will, I will try but I need you so that I can try harder". He assures me that His will for me at Kaleo is not to stress out. This is my new years resolution for 2011. However this year presents even more reasons to get stressed than before. If I continue to fail my courses I can get kicked out, if I don't raise $3250 in less than a month I won't be going to India, if I don't stay positive and hold on to hope I will continue to go on a downward spiral to Hell, if I don't pass my drivers test I will let it expire and never know how to drive, if I don't apply for school now I won't go to school in the fall. Writing this down has made me aware of all the pressures that are present in my life. I can not handle all this by myself. I need God who cares even for the lilies and the grass.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matt 6:34

Today will be the day stress ceases to exist in me.