Shake the dust off your feet.

This year has been a roller coaster of emotions. It has been a constant battle for my sanity and happiness. When things start looking greener the grey clouds and rain storms comes pouring down on my parade. It has been a lesson of humbling myself. Which is what I needed and I still need to do from time to time and I understand that reality checks are needed (the world does not revolve around me). However this week started out pretty rough and I was down in the dumps not wanting to come back to Kaleo but knowing full well that it was necessary. I prayed that God would change my heart so that I could return with a renewed spirit and a desire to be here growing with these people. That night I was anxious to come back not really excited but not wanting to stay at home. It was good returning to Qwanoes after a week of being away and I got excited when I saw my long lost friends Michelle and Anna. But I am now in the dumps again because they are gone and life is confusing and hard. Living in community is fun at times and it has all the potential to be enjoyable. But quite frankly it is easy to be forgotten about, to be the one that no one thinks of. This is me being selfish, this is me ranting. I was never a quiet person until this year. I loved being around people and having conversations with them, I never got awkward and always said what I had to say even if some one else had something better to say. So this is a good thing that I am no longer that person? I feel like all the fun has been sucked out of me, that I am now like the fun sucker, the person that sucks all the fun out of everything. I am quiet and if I don't know you I am awkward. I avoid people in stores or on the street that I walk down because I am not sure what to say to them or how they are judging me. Because other people I live with may want to say things louder than my voice can handle I decided this year to not be the one with the loud voice or the one who wants all the attention and strives to fit in and be the one every one is "involved" with. I sit alone in my room being sad and wanting to do something fun but having no fun in me to create an adventure, no fun in me to hang out with friends. And I know I am not the only one who feels this at the moment.

I live with many amazing people whom I love and love to be around. No one in this community should feel unloved because all 26 of us have so much love to give. This is Satan attacking us with lies and deceit and blaming others for all our problems, this is what happens when we let our guard down. The devil gets in and God is pushed aside. This is my problem, I can not place the blame on other people for not loving me enough or excluding me, this is when it is crucial to love even more and give abundance of grace. So many times this year I have wanted to give up and cut these people or circumstances from my life but we must hold on to hope. The hope that this community will change, we will love more, be gracious and patient towards one another and focus our eyes on God so that He may teach and rebuke us. Each flower grows at a different time and it is a slow process. I want to know how to change I want to know how to make a difference I want to know how to be genuine without people thinking I am fake.

This has been a year abundant in lessons from Papa and I am not finished learning yet. I have so much further to go, this is just the tip of the iceberg, this is just the beginning. I love the way that the Father works in our lives and uses the people around us, weather it be hard or easy, let us rejoice in what the Lord is doing in our lives because He is never done working His mighty magic.

" Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." -Philippians 2:1-4