So I know its been awhile since I have blogged but no worries I'm still alive but barely breathing.
As you may know there is ten days until Christmas (aka the best holiday of the year). I however have been struck with mild depression, high blood pressure and frequent panic attacks. I guess you could say the majority of this year has been made solely of poop. And as crazy as this sounds I think I would rather live through Kaleo than going back to May on-ward.
I am finally ready to say it... I miss Kaleo and I really do love all those crazy people I did Kaleo with.
If your willing to hang in there and listen to me rant about how this year sucked I promise I will write an inspiring or at least up beat conclusion paragraph at the end. For those of you not willing feel free to skip to the end.
It all started in May, I was forced to live with out my best friend and love of my life Tee Baines for three long months, as his decisions led him to the north where he would later find his fortune as a tree planter. I however stayed home and kept myself busy working two jobs and going to school. I nearly drove myself crazy and I found as little time as possible to enjoy the summer. It was my first attempt at waitressing and I learned quickly that this is not what I want to do with my life. So I got inspired by many of my classmates at the time to pursue a career in Nursing. There really is no down side to go in the direction of nursing and actually it opens a lot of doors none of which I can open yet but the thought is nice. I also found that I have a mad passion for biology and crazy phobic feelings towards English and writing. Ironic I know.
Then one day I went to work at my not waitressing job that I love and at the end of my shift my mom came to pick me up which was a tad unusual considering it was a lovely summer day. I asked her what she was up to and she told me that she bought some fish for the pond in Betty's dog yard with tears welling up in her eyes. For those who dont know, Betty was my 16 year old yellow lab that I had come to love and appreciate SO much in the last 2 years. Immediately I knew what had happened but I pretended not to. "What happened to Betty?!" The dreaded words leaked from my mother's mouth like poison to my heart, "She passed away." Apparently the old girl had a tumor that the doctors couldn't locate next to her heart, she was suffering from edema and her old body just couldn't take it any longer. We knew it was coming but I tricked myself into thinking she was going to get better and live as long as me.
I carried on life upset about the loss, hating my job and stressed out about finishing up courses with exams and papers due. What got me through the next week was the knowledge and hope that Tee would arrive home soon. And I quit my job. So now that Tee was home, I was only working one job and school was done (until September) I was free to relax and enjoy the summer August was gone too fast. September came with the excitement of starting a new school year and... woot woot the achievement of attaining N status driver. Taylor loves me more now. However not too long after (2 days) I got hit my first car. PRAISE THE LORD IT WASN'T MOVING! I was in a parking lot almost not moving then I really stopped moving and couldnt figure out why so I gave it more gas. Then I figured it out but by then it was too late the damage was done. Thankfully the owner of the car was super nice about it and offered to pay half the damages. It was yet another hit to my driving esteem.
I had been feeling empty. Ever since my beautiful Betty had gone my house was even more lonelier and empty. My mother felt the same way. So I got on the internet and with out any warning my pals Victoria and Sarah and I ventured up to Courtney and picked up a puppy. My father was sooooo not impressed to say the least. He wouldnt talk to me for a couple days. But nevertheless my fam welcomed her home like a new born baby. She is so loved. KC is a siberian husky cross malamute that often gets mistaken for a wolf. In November I realized how important is was that I had gotten KC. My grandma who has been struggling to stay alive for years now had gotten sick in the summer and had gotten a bit better but the sickness never really left had gone into critical condition and my mom spent the week living at the old folks home with her. My mom came home so depressed from being around dieing people she needed that special puppy hello that KC never fails to deliver. And I know that sounds so cheesey but honestly in the winter people get so depressed and puppies help. A week later I got news that my best friends mom who is also friends with my mom has days to live. She was fighting a case of hepatitis that wasnt going to leave and all I could do was ask God, "Why?!" This was so not fair in my mind God only lets the people who do know Jesus die because they get to go to heaven. Its not fair for the ones who don't know Him to die. I went on praying and praying and praying for a couple weeks for a miracle, who knows if one happened but the death of her I now pray would send the chain reactions of miracles to the family and friends. Two deaths in one month is more than Mary can handle I have only known 1 person close to me ever dieing and I was young then so it didn't really hit me. But these two gems passing have hit me like a ton of bricks, hard and heavy. With the sadness of this, stress of school, work and Christmas (I haven't even started my Christmas shopping) the anxiety and panic attacks kick in once again. So what do you do? Well I waited it out until school ended for the holidays (which was today) and had a bath, quit my job and I baked more than enough cookies for the Christmas season and I start my shopping tomorrow so wish me luck on that.
In other news, on Saturday I am going to a funeral and a wedding on the same day. Talk about mixed emotions! I also have a staff party that night but I doubt I'll make it that far.
I guess that sums up my year of poop.
However, as smelly as this year has been I know I have learnt a lot from it especially that life isn't always as fun as you want it to be. You have to just roll with the punches and hope that rest will come and have faith that God has a better plan in store. As for my future I look forward to relaxing over the holidays and then in January I will start five new courses and finish two other courses. In February if all goes as planned I will hopefully be working for Vancouver Island Health Authority ethier in the kitchen or janitorial or as a clerk and then start my nursing program in the fall then become a doctor and then specialize in something and then do missions everywhere!!!! So basically I have my whole life planned out. Jk It will probably change next week.
Thanks for reading my poop.
Much Love + Many Blessings
and Happy Holidays!!!
